As your child gets older, it’s likely they’ll crave more independence – whether that’s walking to school alone, managing money for the first time, or going into town with their friends. For parents, this can be a scary time, but it’s necessary for your child’s growth and development.
At My Nametags, we’ve been working with parents across the world for over twenty years, researching different parenting styles, the stress of school morning routines, and tracking baby name trends. Here, we navigate what independence looks like for children at different stages and offer some tips on affording certain freedoms without feeling like you’re losing control:
When is my child ready for more freedom?
The right time will be different for each child and can depend on their personality, what their siblings are doing, and how safe their surroundings are. However, there are some signs they are ready for a bit more independence than you’re currently granting them.
One obvious signal your child is mature enough for more freedom is when they ask to do certain things alone. They may also start to rely more on their friends for advice and company, or be able to problem-solve without your input.
In addition, it can be useful to find out when their school starts to give them more independence in the classroom and at playtime. For early years, this could be putting away their toys and books without instruction, and for older children, this could look like choosing a topic for an independent project.
When children start to exhibit signs that they’re ready for more responsibility, it’s a good idea to encourage this in a safe and controlled way. There is significant brain development during childhood, so allowing your child to learn from new experiences can support decision-making later down the line. Plus, becoming comfortable with some independence will help them build confidence and resilience that will be essential when they reach adulthood.
However, we can’t all get it right every time, and there might be times when your child isn’t yet ready for the independence they crave, or you’ve pushed them too far too quickly. Signs of this include displaying immaturity or repeated poor decisions when offered certain freedoms. One solution to this is simply waiting a couple of months before offering the freedom again. Equally, these instances can be an opportunity to set clearer boundaries around what is and isn’t acceptable. For instance, allowing your child to have access to a smart phone or tablet, but establishing firm screen-time limits. In our experience, this helps them realise there is a time and place for everything.
Your child may also demonstrate emotional or behavioural struggles when faced with more freedom. This is an indication that they are uncomfortable and not ready to step into more independence. Remember that not every child is the same, and even siblings may need different approaches.
Where can I start with offering independence?
If you believe your child is ready for more freedom, here are our suggestions for getting started in an age-appropriate way:
- Pre-school (3-4 years): For pre-school aged children, it’s best to offer choices rather than full freedom, so they don’t get overwhelmed. For example, offer your little one a choice between two outfits rather than asking them what they want to wear that day.
- Primary school (4-11): This stage can be a good time to let your child decide who they play with at school or what sports or clubs they would like to try. As they progress through primary school, we’d recommend allowing your child to manage elements of their routines, too. This could be making their bed in the morning or remembering to brush their teeth at night.
- Secondary school (11-16): Starting secondary school can be a good, natural transition into more independence. Consider using this step up to let your child walk, cycle, or take the bus to school alone. Although, it’s important to note that the appropriate age for this will depend on where you live and the journey to school. For instance, our own research shows that children living in the countryside experience freedom on average a year earlier than their urban counterparts. This is because rural communities are generally safer than urban areas, with a lower recorded rate of violent crime.
If you don’t think it’s safe for them to travel to school alone, consider allowing your child a different freedom, like handling their own pocket or lunch money.
In our experience, secondary school is also a good time to consider giving your child their first mobile phone. This can help make you both feel more comfortable as they start to go out and about independently, as they can call or text you if needed. However, it is a good idea to use parental controls to keep them safe online. Here is a handy mobile phone guide for parents and carers that we’d recommend checking out.
How can I support my child’s independence?
- Start small: Give one new responsibility at a time. It can be overwhelming for a child to be given too many freedoms at once, and may lead to them becoming stressed or scared. In fact, our previous research shows that 44% of children get stressed during the morning routine, so it’s important to increase responsibility gradually.
- Teach safety: Chat through real-life scenarios and discuss what the right thing to do is. For example, outline what they should do if they miss the bus or if they stumble upon an inappropriate website.
- Set clear boundaries: Establish curfews, acceptable places to hang out, and screen-time limits.
- Be open: Don’t pretend that you didn’t make mistakes growing up! We’ve found that if you’re honest in your parenting, it will encourage your child to be too.
Is your child about to take the next step into secondary school? Take a look at our range of discreet mini stickers – perfect for keeping their belongings safe.
